next year

1-osprey platforms with the juniors- fun good for the environment and good for the juniors to learn how to work with materials
2-making plant holders out of recycled plastic (decorated)- we can put them in special ed class rooms and help them grow the plants together
3-compile seasonal recipes- blog/patriot press
4- contact local farmers, maybe visit a farm if we are lucky
5-farmers market!!!!

nervermind

yah... much easier said then done... i guess i was being to idealistic about moving past my stress

the end!!!!

Ap's are done!! but stress isnt. i've decided to just take things as they are. i've accepted the work. i'll do it. i'm not going to be able to avoid it. but im not going to brood on it (too much). i think that maybe, once we just accept that school will be, we wont be so fixated, and can just move on and start focusing on what really captivates us. the homework wont go away, and i know it will never be tolerated if i totally just drop my grades and rebel. i will work hard, i will put time and effort into my school work, i will. nothing in my day to day life will really change. but i've come to terms with it and i've adapted. i wont only be talking about work now, it wont consume me. im going to make a difference. i want to be inspired. im excited for the potential of the future! i have work ethic. i'll go far. even though the school system is ridiculous, and it doesnt focus on issues that i feel really matter, it doesnt mean i have to hold myself back, just brooding on the monotony of my privileged life. i have to remember to look further. there is more! there is more!!

Just drank a milkshake

the internet is pretty boring, or I just dont really know how to utilize it properly. im guessing its the latter. how do people even learn how to be internet savy? I guess i didnt really join the bandwagon until recently. My friend made me a facebook when I was in 8th grade, and I didnt actually start using it until the end of 9th grade. im still no quite sure how to upload pictures yet, and it wasnt until this year that I progressed past the two finger typing stage. I would have to beg my parents to type out my essays for me. I guess I was a late bloomer. I didnt really start talking again until high school either. In middle school (shudder) I just read and read and read. I loved it. While everyone was conquering the art of online socializing, I was honing my "walking in the hall ways while reading" skills. Now i'm pretty much normal... i think. I go on facebook, but I dont really do much. I usually dont chat, or comment, or post, I have this stage fright problem with some things, random things. For example, I DO NOT have facebook statuses or have wall to wall convos because I feel self conscious, and I get panicy when I have to run in track meets because I dont like people watching me, but when it comes to speaking in front of a group, it really isnt that hard for me. And blogging! This is technically similarly to facebook posts, but I have no problem writing here. I guess its because on facebook, everyone is hooked in, and here, I guess its more intimate, like a little nook in stead of a huge stage.
I spend alot of time on the internet despite my ineptness. Its very mind numbing. but i always get off feeling bad. but its addictive even though I find it boring. running is a much better alternative. its like a form of meditation. you dont think while you run, you get a mental holiday, you think only in the present, which is rare for juniors who are always thinking about their next homework assignment, or SATs, and just getting themselves totally stressed. And the best part, is that once your done, you feel satisfied. You achieved something and your body gets a nice little runners high. its good, im glad I got into running.
One thing I really regret is the lack of reading time I have been getting. Lang was awesome this year. I really feel that I have been exposed to the deeper level and interpretation of books. I use to just think that books were stories, and all i read were those 2 dimensional books. but these great american novels are so deliberately and seamlessly CRAFTED. but that has been all in school reading. it not enough. thank god for the New Yorker. while it doesnt really replace books, its is a quick fix. the articles are well written and intelligent and interesting. want more STORIES though. something more intimate. I've been looking for sites on the internet that has this kinda writing, i guess it would be a blog. kelly reed has one. i read it and its really good, but it makes me feel very confined and tied down and a little hopeless. her "ending on a good note" usually is about god, and i respect that and can see how she sees it as the answer, but i dont believe in god, so it just is a little empty to me. but some of the are very bright, maybe thats not the right word, very fulfilling, satisfactory, harmonious? well i think i should read more. im not looking for a blog that totally agrees with everything i think, that would be boring, i like her quirkyness. her blog is much more polished then mine. i dont reread any of this before posting. it really is just my stream of consciousness. not real forethought. writing actually helps me think more so it probably comes out as rambling. maybe i should attempt some crafted writing.... when i have time. right now this is easiest for me, and it gets what i want done. i just am worried about how i write. i dont know what to call it... my pace? well something in the way i write is off. my grammar and sentence structure is completely whacked. on the SATs i nearly got a perfect on my comprehensive reading, but fucked up on the writing section. my dad, who is my chief editor for my essays and more formal pieces, says that my writing would be fine as prose, but doesn't really work in terms of the rules of writing. well sometimes are worse then others, i cant really tell myself though.i dont know if i really want to change my style though, i think it helps get my voice across more accurately.

Osama

"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that." --Martin Luther King, Jr.

mosh

so went to a concert this week end and it was awesome!!!! the band is called Brand New. i actually really had no idea who they were, my friends are huge fans though and they invited me along. it was a giant mosh pit!!! the whole mosh thing kinda took me by surprise. first i was surprised, then i was scared, and then i had A LOT of fun!! they didn't let anyone bring water in for some reason so during the concert they were passing cups of water through the crowd (i hope no one had a serious disease...). water was spilling every where!!!! i got soaked! i always like school dances because i really do like to dance, not that weird dace floor rape thing that people do, but just fun dancing. the problem with high school dances is that if your not grinding you are awkwardly standing, and im usually part of the small group that actually move while the rest of my friends stand petrified. that's why this was so awesome!!! everyone was dancing. it was so crowded that its not like a taboo if you brush up against someone. its so dark no one is really watching. its great to dance!!!! i want to dance for hours and just feel all the vibrations from the music boom in my chest! i totally want to go again. it was so surreal. even the violence is okay. sometimes ppl kinda pushed the line and i wanted to just yell them out. but even that was fun. everything was heightened to a point it felt unreal. very unnatural. the whole atmosphere was fabricated. i guess that just says something about our "suburban bubble" concept i have been stewing on. our lives are so dull, and even our out lets are fabricated in the same fashion, but with a different purpose. but then is music just a huge emotional fabrication?? i think some of it is, like those really theatrical rock types, and even grunge, all the things they are singing about are derived from a life style that has been removed from the greater context into a bubble of its own. i really am starting to like tribal and folky music, its like a breath of fresh air, its all based on the environment its set in, not just emotions. i dont know i dont know. reality can be divided into so many categories. everything is real i know, but our perception.. argh!! some day i'll be able to articulate all this, just wait, i'll be able to say it properly. but right now i just confuse my self as im writing.

best article ever!!

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011/04/18/110418fa_fact_osnos

so I was reading the New Yorker and read this article, The Grand Tour. The New Yorker always has great articles, but this one was really exceptional. It's basically a satire, the format really reminded me of Huckleberry Finn. It's about the new influx of Chinese tourists in Europe. It really opens the reader up to a new perspective and shows how backwards we seem to the Chinese.
Read it.
I'm not asking you to read the whole thing (its pretty long), but at least read a page or two, you won't regret it, its really a great laugh.